Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Vinyl Porn 2: Some suggestions for your virtual vinyl collection.

Since my last blog on Vinyl Porn (i.e: getting your goosebumps from a video of other people playing with their LPs) numerous requests have rolled in (zero) suggesting that I should do a follow-up to that blog because it was so popular!
(If you don't know what is meant by the term 'Vinyl Porn', check out our first blog-entry on Vinyl Porn by clicking here.)

People wondered: Should I get a turntable? should I start buying some of my favourite artists on vinyl? should I support my local record store? should I go through large bins of old records searching for that long lost vintage Stones record? Then find one that's likely cracked or warped and scratched to hell, been dropped off a table, locked in a hot car on a sunny day in July, then thrown like a frisbee to the mouth of an eager dog, used to scoop said dog's parking-deposit, smacked against a shuttlecock for lack of a badminton racket, used to row the boat ashore (hallelujah), hung on the end of a stick to re-enact that scene from Beyond Thunderdome, then when doing some spring cleaning, shoved into the cover-sleeve of a Beastie Boys album-cover and brought to a flea market to sell to you for ....oh...let's say ten bucks...no...then what'll you give me for it?
To all these questions, the answer is yes, of course. Except for the last question, to which the proper response is "a wave goodbye."
But vintage records aside, what should you have in that other collection....you know... the dirty, nasty, cheesy porn version....?
(Again... If you don't know what we mean, check out our first blog-entry on Vinyl Porn by clicking here.)

Okay, so good question.
Your first addition to your online, other people's vinyl, dirty, nasty, porn version collection is LIGHTS -SIBERIA ACOUSTIC. Now, you might be thinking why I would recommend such a pop record as your first addition to your filthy, disgusting, depraved collection of guilty pleasure? Well, that's because this pop diva put out a album of acoustic recordings on vinyl. And much to the surprise of myself, it actually blew the mind of one listener. You definitely want to watch this virtual vinyl, containing the honest-to-goodness true story of the man who's never seen or heard a record before, attempting to listen to LIGHTS-SIBERIA ACOUSTIC. The grin on this guy's face is heartwarming and authentic. This brings me back to the first time that I ever heard a record in my life, except I was one years old and no one was recording my reaction (I dropped my rattle!). Those were the good old days, back when low technology actually surprised and impressed people. Oh wait...maybe it still is!

Smoke two joints and you might find yourself in the mood for a sandwich with some Pink Floyd to wash it down. Everyone knows that nothing goes together like The Wall and your brain on drugs, but perhaps you might want to give this a try instead. Take two aspirin, get into a comfortable chair and play fullscreen: "Turntable Illusions" by Ken Glaser. Try to stay calm and relaxed while watching geometric diagrams spin around in illusory movements and listening to the space-trance inducing music of a prog-rock experimental band that is clearly attempting to warp your sense of self and surroundings. Once hypnotized, you need only follow simple instructions like 'Stop', 'Look', 'Listen' and 'Know' and this is how you get groovy with a virtual turntable in ways you never expected.

Do you like Daft Punk's latest album Random Access Memories? Well, someone must like it because it sold an incredible number of vinyl copies and some of that success, I believe, can be attributed to the appearance of numerous collaboratoring musicians from the funk/dance/general70s era, including Paul Williams, who I've previously blogged about, and Nile Rodgers. The star funky guitar player of the disco era, Rodgers is probably best known for his work in the group Chic, but also appears on some selected endeavours by Sister Sledge including this song called 'Thinking of You'. It's virtually yours to add to your collection.




You've heard James Brown's song  "I Feel Good." Right. No. You thought  you heard it, but you didn't hear it this way. Posted on YouTube on a 45 rpm record clearly marked 'For DJ use only Not for Sale' is a James Brown cover-version of James Brown's own classic that is extra-funky by comparison to the original. In virtual world, it's as if the past is transformed in ways you couldn't have imagined. An artist whose catalogue you thought you knew well suddenly has stuff you've never heard before. In contrast to the guy who never saw a record before, someone my age, about fifteen years ago wouldn't otherwise know about this version of 'I Feel Good' unless you came across this 'not for sale' vinyl yourself, and even then I'd be skeptical about buying it. I've listened to it seven times and I STILL can't help thinking 'is it for real'? Well, it isn't quite real, but it's more than good enough to add to the virtual collection.

This blog entry used to contain an embedded video of a hi-definition version of Roberta Flack's First Take album. That video has since met up with the internets copyrights polizei and been removed from public viewing. So instead, Very Us Mumblings has decided to post, in it's place, this video of a Billie Holiday tune from her later years. This video brings together two very classic technologies: short-wave radio and turntables. So, in a way, you're getting two kinds of analog porn in one viewing. Choose settings for the highest definition your computer/browser will support and enjoy.


If you haven't had enough yet, then click
   Vinyl Porn 3: The Vinyl Resurgence Marches On!
or go a little further ahead and see:
   Vinyl Porn 4: The New Wave of Vinyl Listeners
And if you want to know how Vinyl Triumphed,
  then click Vinyl Porn 5: How the Ears Were Won!